Friday, February 21, 2014

Kidney Stone GONE!

I have been dealing with pain from a kidney stone for several months now and had no idea it was a kidney stone, until a CT Scan with contrast for another reason showed the stone. All this time, I thought the pain I had when I cough or lie a certain way was from the colon surgery I had last year. It seemed to coincide with my last surgery. Once the stone was identified, I googled "natural cure kidney stone." My stone was very small (.3 cm).

I found a lot of testimonials from people who had reduced, then eliminated kidney stone pain, then passed the stones without pain by drinking Apple Cider Vinegar with warm water several times a day. For people with acute pain, they drank every hour finding almost immediate relief.

I decided to try it! It took two glasses in the same day of warm water with Apple Cider Vinegar. I also put honey in to make the taste easier to take. Shortly after the second glass, I passed something mucousy (which I had read the stone will look like after this procedure. Sure enough, the pain is gone!

My kidney stone is gone and I imagine a larger stone(s) would just take a few more days/weeks of drinking it. YAY!

Friday, February 7, 2014

The New Arthritis Cure

The following is a diary of my attempt to cure my arthritis using Dr. Bruce Fife's program as detailed in his book: The New Arthritis Cure. I will update it regularly (bi-weekly or more).


I started having what I thought was carpal tunnel syndrome in the weeks before I left my job as a Communications Manager (November 2013). I was leaving to recuperate from life-saving surgeries I'd gotten the previous year and a car accident that exacerbated and impeded my recovery from the surgeries. I also had an injury from the car accident that was making working at a desk unbearable.

To leave my job, I needed an income. So I secured a temporary job as a daycare provider for a baby under one. I looked forward to spending days with my toddler, walking my son to school, and getting out from behind a desk.

Unfortunately, I experienced what I thought was recurring injuries from pushing the stroller, or something I must have hit my foot on. I didn't know what exactly was causing all my injuries but both my hands and wrists hurt immensely and I could not open my hands completely. Then that would go away and I'd limp around for a few days because of pain in my foot. Then a few days later it would be my other foot. Then my hands, wrists and feet at the same time. Eventually I started having these pains in one of my knees as well. Every time my I passed something and my hand even grazed it, pain would blast through my hand.

Finally, I looked closely at my hands and noticed that my knuckles were red and swollen. I realized I may have arthritis. After doing much research, I decided my form of arthritis most resembled "rheumatoid arthritis." Sure enough, when I went for blood tests, I came back positive for an autoimmune condition.

I searched online for an arthritis cure and found this book. Although the book recommends waiting for a definite diagnosis, I wanted to get started asap so I could escape some of the excruciating pain. Here follows my experiences on the Arthritis Cure program by Dr. Bruce Fife.

January 16, 2014, Day one:

I put a tablespoon of coconut oil in my mouth first thing in the morning and waited for it to melt. I admit, I gagged about three times doing this. Then I swished for fifteen minutes. I put two tablespoons of coconut oil on toast under peanut butter and honey. My goodness, coconut oil and peanut butter go great together! (I use peanut butter that has only one ingredient: peanuts; and organic honey.)

At lunchtime, I took five capsules of Purica Recovery extra strength "beyond pain relief." So far today, all of my food has been whole foods except for one little chocolate I couldn't resist. At least it was natural chocolate. J

The pain in my hands was quite bad this morning. Not as bad as it can get, but bad enough that I took advil so I could do the dishes.

January 21, 2014, Day six:

I am used to melting the coconut oil in my mouth now without gagging. I continue to eat 4-5 TBS of coconut oil every day, and gets lots of fruits and veggies. I admit, I'm having trouble getting off the alcohol (one or two a night), I'm still eating chocolates leftover from Christmas, and I've had coffee three days in a row. At first, I thought I might be feeling better. But then my ankle started to hurt. I developed a canker sore in my mouth. First one in years. The arthritis pain in my left index finger became and is intolerable. I have to take advil just to function. I am also getting a sore throat with earache, runny nose, and coughing up phlegm in the morning. I am thinking this must be the herxheimer effect, as no one around me has been sick. I have no idea how I could have gotten it. Plus, I am taking my supplements religiously and eating lots of green leafy vegetables, so I should have a strong immune system right now. However, I am feeling unwell - tired, in pain, and cranky.

February 7, 2014: Day 23

I continue to eat 4-5 TBS of coconut oil/ day and oil pull every morning with coconut oil. My teeth are  noticeably whiter and my gums don't bleed when I floss anymore. My sore throat has come and gone and come and gone and may come back again. Although I wouldn't call it excessive, I am coughing up yellowish phlegm in the mornings. I am still drinking coffee, occasional vodka & water, and eating some cheese and chocolate occasionally. But I've cut down on all of them except the coffee, which I may actually be drinking more of. I had another mouth sore that was not painful and went away after about three days. I have another one now on the tip of my tongue which is a bit more annoying. My arthritis symptoms continue and I was officially diagnosed with arthritis by a rheumatologist three days ago. He offered me medication but I declined. I will see him again in three months. I purchased a mini trampoline and bounce for about three to five minutes once or twice a day. That's all I can handle. Man, I'm out of shape! I'm giving myself 6 months on this program to see if my arthritis begins to improve. If it doesn't, I will remove more toxic foods / alcohol and be more diligent about my diet. But I am committed to overcoming my arthritis naturally.

February 17, 2014: One month in

I am still getting canker sores. They last a day or two, then disappear just as another appears somewhere else in my mouth. Most of the time they don't bother me, but sometimes they get irritated if they are near my teeth. I will be glad when that particular detox symptom is gone. I continue to drink coffee, alcohol, and eat cheese although they are all in moderation. I don't notice that my arthritis is worse or better after certain foods. I have no idea why some days are much worse than others. One thing is that the arthritis does not seem to be getting worse. :) I also continue to jump on the trampoline but only last about 3-5 minutes at a time. I try to take breaks then get back on, but often get sidetracked.  I'm not coughing up phlegm as much but my nose is still quite runny. I am getting occasional headaches too but not migraines, so that's good. It is the week before my period so I am eating too much food in general and too much junk food too. This is my most difficult week each month for self-discipline. hehe

March 5, 2014: 1.5 Months in

The canker sores continue but each one only lasts two days at most. The worst ones are on the end of my tongue. My arthritis pains also continue. Some days they are barely noticeable, other days I walk with a limp or cannot do much with my hands until the advil kicks in. This causes me to suspect there is a trigger food I'm not guessing. I will start a food diary to see if I notice a pattern. Interestingly, there is viral strep throat making its way through my house. My youngest (unvaccinated) child is the only who hasn't succumbed to it. My symptoms are surprisingly mild compared to my older kids and husband. I suspect this may be due to the oil pulling and the fact that I drink tea with apple cider vinegar everyday. Apple cider vinegar is known to treat and cure strep throat, so perhaps it is keeping it at bay for me. I tried to force the kids to drink ACV in their tea too, but they are resistant. I haven't been using the trampoline as much since I've been feeling a bit off with the virus my body is fighting. But I have resolutions to start a new exercise and stretching program asap. All in all, I am still hopeful that I will cure or at least put into remission this painful arthritis.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

The Vaccine Story that Led to This Blog

About two months before I married my long-term partner of seven years, I decided to get the Twinrix vaccination. There were two reasons. At the time, I was working in a transition house that housed homeless women with addictions and mental health challenges. The organization that ran the house “strongly recommended” the vaccine. My husband-to-be and I were also entertaining the thought of a tropical honeymoon, in which case I had heard often that it was wise to be vaccinated against Hep A and B when travelling to certain destinations.

So I purchased the vaccine, visited my doctor and received two of the three inoculations involved. When I learned we weren’t going on that hoped-for tropical vacation, I didn’t bother with the third shot and besides, I didn’t have time before my wedding to get the third one done. The first two shots were a month apart.

My first symptom was loose stools, including having to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. The same doctor who vaccinated me, asked for stool samples and blood tests, but everything came back normal. He said that it couldn’t have been caused by the vaccine. I started having panic attacks too, but chalked it up to the stress of the wedding. I have always found it very stressful to plan any kind of event, and this being my wedding…well, I came up with my own excuses for my sudden increase in anxiety and panic attacks.

I felt nauseous all the time. The doctor suggested it was “irritable bowel syndrome” and since many of my family members have been diagnosed with this, I accepted it. I tried to live with the constant nausea, increased tiredness, and anxiety. The day after my second dose which was four days before my wedding, I started waking up in the mornings “buzzing.” My body felt like it was vibrating.

The worst initial symptom happened a few days after my first dose when I was on vacation for my stagette. I had just finished my first drink and eaten a sandwich in the pub, when I suddenly began to feel like I had been drugged. I felt like I was floating on air, and the sounds and sights around me were expanding and contracting. That sent me into a major panic attack and it wrecked my first night away on my holiday. For over a month after that, until I started getting those feelings daily, I truly believed that someone had drugged my drink.

On my wedding day, I had to take Ativan (mild tranquilizer) just to get through the day. I had the worst anxiety and nausea. I was sick and I didn’t know it.

The honeymoon went the same. Nausea and loose stools. I felt terrible but I enjoyed my honeymoon and made the best of it. The worst was yet to come.

Two days after returning home from my honeymoon, my body could no longer correct itself. The poison finally won. My limbs became incredibly heavy and my body very tired. I was dizzy when I stood up and would almost pass out every time I tried to walk a short distance. My knees would buckle and I’d have to catch myself from falling. Sometimes I was better for a while, but then I would spend days in the dizzy cycle all over again. One thing was for sure, normal didn’t exist for me anymore.

I went to emergency three times. I saw specialist after specialist. The blood tests, ecg, all the tests came back with some minor abnormalities that didn’t alarm the doctors in any way. I would cry and beg doctors to tell me something new, anything to help me get better. They told me to go see a counsellor because it was psychosomatic. They told me and my husband that it was all in my head.

One time, during the beginning of all this, after my husband put the thought in my head, I asked my doctor if this could be from my vaccination. He assured me it could not. I believed him.

A year and a half went by. I lost my job. My marriage ended. I became suicidal. I had found ways to cope. If I ate marijuana butter, I could stand for longer periods and get some housework done or care for my children. Beta-blockers kept my heart from racing so high I’d pass out. I finally gave in and took Effexor (antidepressent) at the suggestion of numerous doctors who thought my illness was all in my head. That helped with my strained marriage and pms, but I was still depressed. I took a sleeping pill at night to help me sleep.

My symptoms were too numerous to count. I found a name for my collection of symptoms. “Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome.” At the time, I thought it was a disease. Now I know it is the body’s way of saying “I’m sick.”

I was done with doctors and on the verge of giving up my children. I could hardly take care of them anymore. I was getting sicker and sicker. If I lost my kids, I would probably kill myself. As a last ditch effort to save my life, I researched common food allergens and did a detox. Within four days, I knew I was recovering. To ensure continued recovery, I removed gluten and most dairy from my diet. To this day, I become extremely ill when I eat gluten.

I immediately took myself off the medications. I was on the lowest dose of Effexor so I didn’t think it would affect me, but withdrawal from that drug was a nightmare. I didn’t have any withdrawal from beta-blockers, marijuana, or the sleeping pill, but the anti-depressant was brutal. Every time I turned my head, I got debilitating vertigo. Migraines. Nausea. Electrical zaps on my scalp. For three or four days it was constant hell, but it got better and after about two or three weeks, the vertigo and zaps only came sporadically.

Unfortunately, the damage was already done though. During my illness, my body had become very dry. My mouth, my skin, my eyes, my vagina. My eyes were so dry, that I was certain I had Sjogren’s Syndrome. The specialist I waited months to see told me I didn’t have Sjogren’s syndrome and that most of my symptoms were probably from my medications. He also advised me to seek counselling and stop using marijuana. It didn’t matter to him that it was the most effective medicine I had.

My mouth was so dry, I developed saliva stones in one of my saliva glands. I later had surgery to remove the gland because it was painful to eat.

Another issue I came out of my illness with was constipation and bloody stools. That issue started to correct itself until I became pregnant during reconciliation with my husband about six months after going gluten-free. The constipation and bloody stools worsened when I was put on iron supplements for anemia.

It was during my pregnancy that I researched vaccines thoroughly. By this point, I didn’t trust doctors or the medical establishment in any way. I was a “natural cure” advocate all the way. While reading about vaccines, in particular about Hepatitis B vaccination, I had an epiphany. I realized that my sudden illness had actually been caused by my Twinrix vaccine. I learned that MANY people suffer from the SAME symptoms I had after getting a Hep A/B vaccination.

I finally realized that I had been vaccine harmed. This was two years after the vaccine. If you look at my medical records though, you can see the happy little trail quite clearly. First, the doctor administered the shots. Shortly after, I started having stomach and bowel movement issues. Shortly after that, I became disabled by chronic illness. It happened within a two-month period from the first shot. How I didn’t recognize it at the time is beyond me.

Recently I suffered a sudden bowel perforation. Doctors say they rarely ever see someone as young as me with this kind of bowel. They don’t know what caused the perforation. They are confused and its like I’m reliving the past all over again. I know that if I hadn’t gotten that vaccination, I would not have suffered a perforated bowel and almost died in November 2012. This was a result of the harm that was done to me when I was vaccinated in 2008. Despite my healthy diet and despite my efforts to heal naturally, some damage has already been done that I cannot undo.

In November 2013, I developed arthritis. I suspect the toxicity and infections I experienced over the previous year of three surgeries and the medications in the hospital, as well as having weakened immunity led to this.

But I won’t stop trying. I am learning more and more ways to live as healthy as possible. I have decided not to get my incisional (caused by surgery) hernia operated on. Instead, I have purchased hernia belts and I will get a custom bathing suit with hernia support inside it.

Then I plan to live a long life without medical intervention. One thing is absolutely for certain. I will NEVER…EVER…vaccinate any of my children or get myself vaccinated again.

Living in an Alternate Universe (Life After Chronic Illness)

Is that what this is? Am I living in an alternate universe? I go through the motions of conforming to the social order – to put a roof over my kids heads. I send my children to public school, like everyone else. I go to work, like everyone else. I dread the work week, like everyone else.

As the week wears on, I hate my job and my life more and more. Then the weekend approaches, and I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Some of my work anxiety eases up. By the end of the day, on my last day of the work week, I’m elated. I’m supremely relieved that it’s all over for a few days. I take a deep breathe and embrace my freedom. (I am a mother of three, after all.)

I fit everything into the weekends. Visits with friends. Swimming with the kids. Clean the house. Baking. Kids’ activities and play dates. It’s exhausting and rewarding at the same time.

The weekend flies by, and before I know it, I’m dreading the work week again. The cycle repeats, as the social order demands it to. Around and around we go.

I think most people feel this way. But I wonder if they see it like I do.

It’s hard to explain, but maybe you feel the same way? Perhaps this metaphor can describe it…

I am a shell of a brightly coloured fish with bulging eyes. There is a school of fish, swimming about together. They do everything together and reject anyone outside their group. Me and a few others swim alone. We are too far away from each other or too busy swimming where we’re supposed to swim to connect with each other.

Meanwhile, in the alternate universe, where the real me exists, I’m on the outside of the fishbowl, staring in on myself. I wonder, “Why do I keep swimming where I’m supposed to swim?” and I answer myself, “Because you have no alternatives…yet.”

What is the alternative to being a rat in a maze? Rise up? Revolutionize? Passive-aggressively try to persuade people through a soft sell, then a few hard facts?

I think that might be what I’m doing with my books. It’s my soft sell. I am saying to my audience, “I am in love with entertaining you, but there is an ulterior motive. I want you to question what you have been taught. I want you to see into the fish bowl, like I do. I want a day to come when most of the fish are on the outside of the bowl, with me.

I guess it’s that human instinct to bond. Or maybe it’s my inability to let things go.

I am well aware that I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder due to my vaccine injury and subsequent experience with the health care system. My experience was already complex due to the fact that I felt trapped and helpless. It was 1.5 years of thinking I might never be healthy again. No one, it seemed, believed that I was sick. Doctor after doctor condescended to me and blamed me for my disease. Each shred of hope that I hung onto that a specialist might be able to help me was dashed by their ignorance. They did not know what was wrong with me, because they don’t know how to cure disease.

It’s silly, really. I mean, you hear all the time from doctors and in health education about how toxins and poisons are bad for your health. But the toxins they give us in the form of medications and vaccinations; apparently those are good for us. Doctors receive less than a week’s worth of nutrition training in their many years of pharmaceutical training. They are taught only one mode of thinking regarding vaccines. (And they risk criminalization if they express an alternate view.)

Doctors seem not to know what is obvious to me now…that all disease is caused by toxicity and/or deficiency. And all cures lie in correcting those.

People survive “terminal” disease all the time. I am very sad to say that in my lifetime, I have watched the health of the human race decrease substantially. Diseases of every kind are in epidemic proportions. Our “medical” system treats everything with drugs, from vaccines to antibiotics to viagra. Doctors are not taught how to detect, nor do they treat THE CAUSE. So, if you have any intention of being cured of your illness, do not seek a doctor. If you want to keep your intestines – do not go to the doctor.

I had the unfortunate experience of requiring emergency surgery for a sudden, unexplained bowel perforation. This came after five years of gastrointestinal issues following the twinrix vaccine, as an adult. Overnight, my life changed drastically. I found myself in a hospital bed with an ileostomy bag and a stoma.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I will put it as clearly as I can. With my intestine sticking out of my abdominal wall, I pooped into a bag for four months. Fortunately for me, the doctor who did the life-saving surgery ensured that I could have my procedure reversed in a few months when my large intestine healed.

While I was in the hospital, I learned that the procedure of having a person’s “waste disposal systems” placed on the outside of the body is quite common. I mean, WTF??? How is that becoming one of the most common surgeries performed in hospitals today?

Let me tell you something. Ileostomies and Colostomies are done because intestines are damaged, diseased, and otherwise not working properly. Do doctor’s ask, “Why is this intestine not working properly? Could it be a food allergy? Could it be damage from a medical intervention? Could it be a side-effect of the drugs I’ve been prescribing? And why is it happening to so many people? Could there be something that we are exposing the majority of the population to that is causing this epidemic of gastrointestinal disease?”

No. I have not yet met a doctor who is questioning these things. Either they’re too scared, or they’re too entrenched in the fish bowl. Only they, as individuals, can answer that question.

If one of them had, I might not be as traumatized as I am now. I might have felt some faith in the medical establishment. If just one had acknowledged that a vaccine caused my descent into chronic illness hell, I might now have a little bit of faith in doctors.

But none did. And I don’t.

That is not to say that I don’t appreciate having my life saved by a kind and caring surgeon. Appreciation is not the word to describe my intense gratitude and awe. I am amazed at what modern medicine can accomplish. Losing 3/4 of my large intestine and living to tell about it amazes me. Having an external pooping function amazes me. Having it reversed, so that my poop comes out the place it was originally intended amazes me and restores me, emotionally, in many ways.

But I struggle to get over it. I still find myself feeling angry, defensive, and outraged. I am not the weak, sick individual I was when the majority of doctors, nurses, and paramedics I met bullied me. I am well now. Well enough to stand up for myself, tell my story, and express the truth, as it exists for me. But I am still triggered by suggestions that I am wrong about vaccines.

I think being so severely harmed by a vaccine has made me very sensitive to the suggestion by others that I am a fanatic / conspiracy theorist / crazy person for my views. It reminds me of when I was sick, and no one believed me. Despite that I went from being a high-energy, super-achiever to someone who could not do more than one household chore a day and couldn’t hold down a job – many people thought I was faking it.

That, in itself, was traumatizing. I fail, at this time, to let it go and forgive. No matter how hard I try. But there’s more.

Not only do I feel obligated to tell people what I’ve learned from experience and research, but I feel the need to defend myself when people disagree. It is the one topic that I cannot allow others to disagree. I know this is a problem. I normally can agree to disagree with people about anything. But it is part of the trauma that I repeat “the script” over and over in my head. I defend myself. I arm myself with more knowledge. I share information, then I defend it.

I wish I would stop.

But maybe, this is what I’m supposed to do. In Avenge of the Beloved, I give my real thoughts on vaccines. I don’t get into all the arguments, which I am confident to engage in anytime in real life. I simply introduce the concept. Vaccines harm.

While 95% of the population continue to follow the social order, get their vaccines, scold their children for not conforming to public education standards, and eat pesticide-ridden and genetically-modified foods – I stare into the fish bowl, watching myself swim where I’m supposed to swim, beside the school of fish that rejects me.

But it’s okay. Because my kids are healthier. My mind is clearer. My purpose is more defined. I am one of those people who had to learn the hard way, that everything is not as it seems. We have been lied to. Our children are the casualties of our blind faith.

Go to work. Go to school. Get your vaccinations. Take your medicine. Withstand your chemotherapy. Bow down. Be a good employee. Be a lawful citizen. Follow the social order…right down the drain.

In an alternate universe, the behavior of earthlings is bewildering.

My Son's Vaccine Story

Received his vaccinations about a month late according to recommended schedule.

§         Was a very happy, easy-going baby. Fell asleep easily in his chair, crib, bassinet. We could just put him down with a soother and he’d go to sleep.

§         He did everything early – smiled at 3 weeks; sat up by himself at 5 months; stood without holding onto anything at 7 months; walked at 8 months; could say 100 words by 16 months old.

§         Intellectually, he has been advanced. However, socially and many age-appropriate activities have taken him much longer than his peers. Essentially, anything that frustrates him takes him a lot longer than others. He is 8 years old now and still doesn’t tie his own shoes. He just started putting his own seatbelt on regularly. Just now starting to clean up after himself without help but this is infrequent.

§         Following his 2nd round of immunizations, he changed. He suddenly would not sleep on his own anymore. He would cry until he was hoarse. The pediatrician said it was due to early separation anxiety. It did not occur to me at the time that it could be from the vaccinations.

§         For the next two years, Austin slept with me. I had to lie down with him for naps. My husband built a sidecar bed so that I could sometimes move into the bigger bed at night.

§         Some other strange behaviors and health issues we noticed with Austin:
-       He threw his food for two years at every meal.
-       Once we got him sleeping in his own bed at two, he began having night terrors. He would wake up screaming in the night and go running through the house refusing to let us come near him.
-       I had to hold him down in his bed, struggling and crying, to get him to go to sleep. I often laid there crying silently with him.
-       He developed red cheeks frequently and bumps on the backs of his arms.
-       He developed asthma.
-       Terrified of animals as a baby.
-       Weird mumps-like illness shortly after an mmr vaccine – doctors said it was cat scratch fever and treated him with antibiotics for a week at children’s hospital.
-       Loud noises or constant noises make him crazy. (To this day.)

§         Most of his behaviors could be explained away by him being a little boy until around the age of four when he began to really challenge us as parents. This was shortly after my own vaccine harm at the age of 34, so I was very tired and struggling to care for an increasingly challenging child. My husband thought Nanny 911 had all the answers. But time-outs and discipline didn’t work for our son. In fact, it made him worse.

§         For many reasons, including and especially our frequent disagreements about how to deal with our challenging son, my husband and I separated when Austin was almost five. By then, Austin’s temper tantrums were out of control. He would meltdown several times a day, kicking, screaming, calling us idiots, yelling “I hate you,” “I hate my life,” and other things you don’t expect to hear from a four year old. He would attack his older sister in anger. I couldn’t take him anywhere without him embarrassing me. Because we were separated, people said Austin needed his father. They blamed me for “coddling” him. I tried everything from harsh discipline to crying and begging him to stop. We became reclusive. I would not take my son out because other people would yell at him. They didn’t realize I’d tried yelling. I’d tried time-outs. I’d tried everything. But my son could not help himself and scolding him only made it worse. We were living in a warzone.

§         His life and behavior did not improve until I changed his food.

§         I tried sugar-free and gluten-free but it wasn’t until I went on the Feingold program that our lives changed. Our home became peaceful. He began to have conversations with people outside our family. He began to hug me and tell me he loved me again. Tantrums happened once a month instead of five times a day or more.

§         Still, his emotional and social delays continue to hamper him.
He is a brilliant little scientist, constantly doing experiments and mixing different substances in our kitchen to see what they do. He is also an amazing architect, building elaborate block towers and converting our recycling into amazing home-made robots. He is constantly plagued with ideas for things he wants to build, make, or mix. School is boring for him. Much of the time, he doodles his detailed ideas on the back of his worksheets rather than doing his worksheets. For this reason and more, his school is pushing me for a diagnosis. His teacher agrees with me that he has many Asperger’s traits. Fortunately, his high intellect allows him to find ways to cope with some of his delays. I find if I explain things to him cognitively, he can apply them emotionally.

10 Things I've Learned Since a Vaccine Destroyed My Health

1. I’ve learned that sleep and rest are the best thing for building immunity.

2. I’ve learned that doctors don’t know shit about health but they are very skilled at prescribing medications for illness.

3. I’ve learned that most invisible illnesses are subject to discrimination – many people think we are faking it.

4. I’ve learned the Canada Food Guide is a joke.

5. I’ve learned that there is a concerted effort by global elite to reduce the world population.

6. I’ve learned not to believe anything I’m told by my government, the medical establishment, or the mainstream media.

7. I’ve learned that most people believe what they want to believe rather than what is true.

8. I’ve learned that death is not to be feared. It may even be welcome.

9. I’ve learned that if it is good for you, someone somewhere wants it to be illegal.

10. I’ve learned that no matter how sick and tired you are, your children will always love you.

Don't Try to Silence Me, I am a Survivor

As a sex industry activist, I have always been outraged by prohibitionists trying to silence me by saying I am too degraded and exploited to recognize my own degradation and exploitation.

This concept also applies to vaccine survivors. People attempt to silence us by saying we are conspiracy theorists, we are liars, our harm was not caused by vaccines, we are not doctors therefore we don't know our own bodies or children, or (and I don't know if this is better or worse) that our harm was necessary for the good of "the herd" - that we are collateral damage for a bigger cause. We don't matter.

This article puts it very nicely. No one's experience should ever be silenced.

Thursday, May 19, 2011


Sometimes I get triggered and all the emotions and pain of being sick come rushing back to overwhelm me again. I have to remind myself in those moments that it's a new day and I have my health and life back.

But it's easy for me to remember those days. I'm still traumatized by the experience of being dead and alive at the same time. I was so disabled. The only reason I went on was for my kids.

I am still processing it all. I hope the people in my life don't get sick of hearing about it, but I need to talk about it. Today, instead of burdening someone else with my memories, I decided to write it down.

I think for others, my illness is ancient history. But for me, I sometimes wonder if I'll ever go a day without remembering. This poem is about being triggered. I hope you aren't bored to tears by it. ;)

Does anyone remember
What it was like when I was sick?
On my back every half hour
Living life dizzy was quite the trick.

But you probably don't remember (like I do)
How shoulder checks made the world spin.
I drove anyway, barely staying in the lines but...
I didn't tell THAT to anyone.

Life would've been harder without a car
And I already struggled each day.
Scorn and ridicule kept me going,
But I did my best for the kids in my way.

The challenges were many;
Standing in lines, walking up stairs,
Avoiding conversations and bright lights,
Deflecting criticisms and glares.

Does anyone remember
What it was like when I was ill?
The doctors' condescension,
The cold, the numbness, the multiple pills.

To you I was alive and wishing for death.
To me I was dead and wishing for life.
To say goodbye was all that was left.
But instead I continued to fight.

Each day now is spent
Doing things I thought I'd never do again.
And I can't help but be grateful
For what I have compared to then.

Now I stand around often (because I can)
Carry my newborn, go for a walk,
Throw out the garbage, do dishes at night,
Hang out with the neighbours and talk.

Drive like a pro, go dancing,
Take my kids to the pool,
Have a drink, go for dinner,
Volunteer at their school.

And I do all this
Without suffering or struggling or needing to lie down.
You should see the smile on my face,
As I write it all down.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

One More Try

Ball cap pulled down hiding my face,
Keeps out the light from all over the place.
Keeps others away when I drop the kids at school.
A walking ghost or a walking fool,
I don’t know what I am anymore.

Trudging through the motions.
Training my emotions – to accept and to rejoice.
Guarding against the people
Who regard this as a choice.
Invisible Illness.

Might as well be crazy
Since I don’t have the energy to prove them wrong.
I’m too busy looking for the strength to go on.
Hoping the grocery store line-up isn’t too long
So I don’t pass out.

I’ve learned:
To squeeze my ass cheeks to stop me from fainting
To wear my toque indoors in the winter
To enjoy my children from the comfort of my bed
(Reading stories, telling secrets, drawing pictures, playing games, singing songs, being a human canvas for their art, telling jokes, sharing dreams, doing mommy’s makeup from
The reclining position.)

Focusing on what’s important
My kids
Taking care of what’s important till I’m so tired and weak

That I give up.

Now who will love them like I do? Now who will take care of me?
Now that I’m too weak to carry on
There’s no more reason for me to be.
I don’t want to be somebody’s burden.
I’d rather be dead.

One more try. Just for you,
My little ones who have seen despair in your young years,
Who have been caretakers in your young years,
Who have witnessed the end of a marriage in your young years.
Mommy is sorry.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Vaccination Epiphany

I have been reading a book about childhood vaccinations. The amount of information that is held back from parents is astonishing. I have changed my entire outlook on vaccinations.

After seeing how much a small amount of artificial colour or flavour (gumball from machine) can do to my son, I am sickened to think of the amount of toxic chemicals I let the "medical establishment" inject into both my children when they were only months old.

I remember when my son was about five months old (and shortly after he had his 4 month vaccinations), he suddenly stopped going to sleep easily in his crib or bassinet. What followed was years of having to sleep with my son, lie down with him at night, get up with him through the night, etc. I wonder now if it was the vaccine that caused it.

The author of the book I'm reading accurately points out that we are injecting our children with massive amounts of toxins as well as a virus or five when their immune systems are only 2, 4, and 6 months old! What was I thinking? I did it with both my children!

Now I am pregnant with my third and my experiences with a medical establishment I've grown to distrust completely, prompted me to research vaccines. I don't give my kids anything anymore without researching it thoroughly.

The author also shows studies that demonstrate a clear correlation with a sudden and huge increase in learning disabilities, children with various disorders on the autism spectrum, and autoimmune diseases with the advent of more and more new vaccines.

Can you imagine if the government and the medical establishment admitted to the mass harm of children through mandatory vaccinations? It will never happen in my lifetime. Maybe when most of the people who pushed it through are dead and they can blame it on the ignorance of our ancestors.

In the meantime, due to overwhelming evidence, they had to allow parents the choice of whether to vaccinate or not. (And I will vaccinate, just not in the first year and then it will depend on the vaccination being offered - whether the illness is deadly if contracted, what the odds are of my child contracting that virus, whether the vaccine contains mercury or other identified toxic material that has been scientifically proven to harm the human body, whether the vaccine has been reported to increase the likelihood of a child developing autoimmune disorders, and so on.)

You know how they say "the personal is political"? Well, this is one of those times. Vaccine manufacturers are in the pockets of the politicians and the decision-makers. Mandatory or mass promotion of mass vaccinations makes them A LOT OF MONEY. More than most of us can ever imagine. Poisoning our children is big business. They are poisoned using vaccines, food additives, pesticides and more.

And we just blindly believe in our government to protect us. We blindly believe in the medical establishment to cure us. We blindly believe that it is a good thing to inject massive amounts of toxins and viruses into newborn babies - because we've been told to do it by those we blindly believe in.

Well, I'm not blind anymore.

And if you can believe this one. I had an even more profound epiphany as I read the section in the book about the Hepatitis B vaccination.

You see, shortly before I became disabled by chronic illness, I had two rounds of the combined Hep A and B vaccination. It was in preparation for my upcoming honeymoon. We didn't end up going on a tropical vacation, but I really wanted to, so I got prepared hoping that that was what we would do. (It was also a recommended vaccine to get in my line of work doing support in a transition house for women with substance abuse issues.)

Shortly after the first shot, I started to get chronic diarrhea that lasted about 5 or 6 weeks leading up to my wedding. I asked my doctor if it could be a side effect of the vaccine and he assured me that it definitely could not. (At that time I was still "blind" so I accepted his response and didn't think of it again.)

He didn't find any problems with my stool sample, so he called it "irritable bowel syndrome" and sent me on my way. I continued to have stomach problems all through the following weeks and into my honeymoon.

Within two weeks of my wedding, I became so ill, I could not function. Doctors couldn't figure out what was causing my heart-racing, dizziness, and fainting.

Well guess what. Hepatitis B has been associated with causing an autoimmune response where the body starts attacking itself. Gluten intolerance can also become an autoimmune disorder. They say it is usually an illness or shock that will trigger autoimmune disorders. In my case, I have no doubt now that it was the vaccination that caused me to become disabled.

You see, it's been shown that people with compromised immune systems should not get the Hep B vaccination. I didn't know it at the time, but I had been suffering with an inability to tolerate gluten my whole life. My immune system was working at full tilt just to deal with the foods I ate every day. Getting that shot fucked everything up! My immune system could not handle it!

I am torn on how I feel about it now. It was an excruciating year and a half that leaves me traumatized. I would never wish it on anyone. But so much good has come of it.

If I had not gotten the Hep B shot, I may have gone on for another decade or more being bloated and tired and burnt out and thinking this is how every one feels. I wouldn't have found the gluten intolerance issue. I wouldn't be eating so healthy now. I wouldn't have known to look for a food cause for my son's behavior problems (which also led to a solution). I would have gone on blindly believing in the medical establishment - exposing my children to harmful chemicals.

So much good has come of me getting sick. As the full picture begins to emerge - and this new understanding of why my illness took such a sudden and drastic turn for the worse - I actually feel a little less traumatized.

I could look back at my ignorance of the harms and the secrets that are being hidden by the government and the medical establishment about vaccinations and be angry at them. I could be angry at how they stole a year and a half of my life. I could be outraged that many organizations like the one I work for now actually REQUIRE Hep A and B vaccinations to work there. I could cry with relief to now know how this all happened to me.

But I do none of these things.

Instead I feel grateful. It was a year and a half of pure hell. But the benefits to myself and my children now are immeasurable and they will impact us for the rest of our lives. I now think it may have been worth the sacrifice.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Feingold Difference

I wanted to share with readers what a difference life has been since putting our family on the Feingold Program (FG). It all started because of my boy (5.5 yrs).

Before FG we were tiptoeing around him, always worried we might say something that would set him off. He had tantrums that would last hours over any little thing.

Other behaviors:

- Constant moving around.
- Unable to fall asleep at night.
- Night terrors.
- Screaming all the time - happy or angry.
- Violent attacks on other family members.
- Destroying the house in his anger. I've frequently had to hold him down to stop him from hurting us or smashing things in the house.
- Calling names and telling us he hates us.
- Not expressing his feelings with words.
- We had to give away our dog because he wouldn't stop torturing the dog. The dog kept biting him and it was getting worse rather than better like we'd hoped.

Since Feingold, these behaviors only happen in response to a mistake in the diet. We're very early in the program, so we make a lot of mistakes. I just realized that his behavior for several days now has been related to the multi-vitamin I've been giving him in the morning. It has no artificial colours or flavours but it must have something.

But the positives since starting FG are:

- He expresses himself more often, including expressing feelings he has about my separation from his father.
- He apologizes after having a tantrum.
- Tantrums last 5 minutes instead of an hour and a half.
- He doesn't seem out of control anymore - he actually calms himself down when he gets angry.
- He rarely hits us and name-calling has been reduced substantially.
- He sits through meals often and behaves better in public.
- isn't as shy or withdrawn in social situations.
- Carries on enjoyable playdates without freaking out on his friend or coming crying to me.
- Engages in deep conversations with us.
- Manages his frustration better.
- Goes to sleep faster at night, although I still have to lie with him.
- Gets ready for school without a huge drama accompanying.

I'm sure I could think of many more examples of his improved behavior. But the real measurement comes from my daughter and I feeling less tense and on guard. I am able to now discipline him without expecting pure and total rebellion. We are all much calmer now thanks to Feingold.

I wish there was an easier way than having to say "no" all the time to candies and gumball machines (among multiple other "asks" like fruit roll-ups and apple juice). But I have to admit, that although it's a lot more work to feed us all now, I have a lot more energy because I'm not being drained by dealing with what used-to-be his constant episodes.

It has really been worth it for all of us.

Friday, October 15, 2010


It has only been just over 10 months since I began my recovery from postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome - the collection of symptoms that impacted me the most when I was eating gluten in my diet.

I am still so amazed at my new lease on life.

The other day I saw a "disability line" and I remembered vividly that feeling of humiliation as I would walk into the disability line's when I was sick. Knowing that I did not look sick from the outside despite how I was feeling on the inside, made me feel like I should explain myself. Tell people why I needed the lineup. But I never did tell people. I was too tired and it would be too much effort to tell my story. Being out of the house was too much as it was.

That memory triggered another memory when I attended a workshop during my illness. It was early in my disability before it got so bad that attending a workshop would be unheard of. The workshop leaders asked participants to play a game that involved standing, pushing, and touching other people - which would, of course, also involve talking to a lot of people.

I had survived thus far by sitting cross-legged in my chair and taking marijuana breaks when I felt like an episode might be coming on.

I quietly stepped back out of the group and took a seat at the wall, declining by my behavior to participate in the game. If any of the leaders had simply come over to ask me if everything was okay, I could have explained that I had a disability that prevented me from the activities. Instead, they shot confused and offended glances my way, clearly assuming that I was judging their activity or something to that effect.

The workshop was held in Vancouver by a very progressive group used to making an effort to understand and accommodate people with addiction and mental health issues, but obviously no understanding of invisible disabilities. I couldn't blame them. I'd had no understanding before my illness either, and I had organized many similar events.

When I had arrived at the workshop, I asked if they had a medical room where someone could lie down if needed. They did not. Luckily, my friend had parked near the building and I could go to the car in case of an urgent lie down. (Since my first hospital visit, I had thus far been able to avoid lying down on a dirty public floor.)

I have a friend now who didn't know me when I was sick. I catch myself all the time mentioning to him how happy I am that I can "walk up these stairs now" or "stand in a line-up." I am still constantly grateful to have my health back. I wonder if I will ever take my health for granted again or if I have been eternally altered in the way I think about physical ability.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Celiac Disease vs. Gluten Intolerance

Something that bugs me is people who have been diagnosed as Celiac Disease thinking that gluten intolerance is a mild, less incapacitating, temporary condition. Another thing that bugs me is people who recommend going back on gluten to get a CD diagnosis. Why would we want to be devastatingly ill again just so we can learn whether our gluten intolerance results in Celiac Sprue? Why should we go through an intestinal biopsy to find out what we already know - that we should avoid eating gluten?

I read this article today in the Vancouver Courier and had to respond. Here is the letter I sent to the editor:

Dear editor

Re: Gluten for punishment

My excitement to see an article about gluten intolerance on the cover of the Courier turned to disappointment when I read the comments about how important it is to get a proper diagnosis. I have suffered from symptoms of gluten intolerance my entire life and thought I was perfectly healthy. Issues ranging from back pain to panic attacks to short stature, all tolerable health issues that I coped with and assumed were a part of life. Then three years ago, I became suddenly disabled with symptoms that seemed unrelated including dizziness, mental fog, fainting, tachycardia, chronic fatigue, cold limbs, runny nose, and extremely dry eyes. I lost my job because I couldn’t work. My marriage suffered. My children suffered. It was devastating. For a year and a half I saw doctor after doctor, being told over and over that my tests indicated that I was healthy and then suggesting I get counselling. I was not eligible for disability benefits through CPP because I did not have a diagnosis. Doctors and paramedics treated me very poorly, as though I was a hypochondriac or a drug seeker. Then one day, when I’d reached my threshold of despair, I gave up on the medical community. I decided I would heal myself. Part of my plan included cutting common food allergens out of my diet. Within four days of being on the diet I experienced a miraculous recovery. I researched the probable cause of my illness among the foods I had eliminated and gluten jumped out of the page. To be sure, I re-introduced all the other foods one by one, except gluten and maintained my recovery. There was no way I was ever going to willingly eat gluten again. I never had a test to determine that I was Celiac, yet I researched gluten intolerance extensively, despite the suggestion in the article that someone in my shoes would not. During that research I learned that many people worldwide suffer severe symptoms when they eat gluten, yet their Celiac tests never come back positive. They have learned from experience that they must live a life free of gluten. They did not need a doctor to tell them that. I may be not be Celiac, but I suffered bone density loss that resulted in scoliosis as a child and a broken foot in the last months of my illness. Osteoporosis is not just a concern for those diagnosed “Celiac.” Let’s stop separating ourselves and realize that gluten intolerance as a spectrum has the same devastating impacts whether a doctor diagnoses us as Celiac or not. And let’s admit that our medical system has failed us miserably by not looking at our foods as a potential source of our illness.

Trina Ricketts

Surrey, BC

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Three weeks on the Feingold Diet = SUCCESS!

To be honest, I'm not even sure if I'm "on the feingold diet" completely, but I've been monitoring everything my son eats for three weeks, making adjustments, and recording all foods and behavior.

I finally applied for a subsidy to receive the feingold materials and hope to be accepted and get them in the mail soon. But in the meantime, I didn't want to wait that long to find out if it would help my son.

I have to tell you, it has been rocky so far. Every time my son goes to his dad's house, I have a feeling he eats something he shouldn't because he comes home and throws tantrums for the next 24 hours. But it could also be the emotional toll of going back and forth between us.

I am glad I recorded everything because this morning, as I read the journal it became obvious that he is reacting to certain foods. I didn't realize early on that green grapes and gala apples were "not approved" for stage one of the feingold program, having read conflicting information on the internet.

These two foods and apple juice too have corresponded directly to emotional outbursts. 100% of the time. It's impossible to miss. I also noticed that oatmeal gives him tummy aches. This could be related to the gluten intolerance because I have heard that some gluten-intolerant people react to oats even if they are "uncontaminated" (meaning they are pure oats and produced in a wheat-free facility).

Anyhow, I was hopeful but skeptical about the feingold program but so far I am convinced it is a success! I can't wait to get my materials in the mail. Thank you Dr. Feingold for sharing your findings with the world so more of our children can live happier, more peaceful lives! Our family thanks you. xo

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Former Sex Worker Brings GF to Gastown

VANCOUVER, BC: Former sex worker, Amanda Bonella, may have hung up her stilettos but she hasn’t gone out of business. Friday, October 1st will mark the grand opening of her little ethical eatery in Gastown called Yogiberry.

“I’ve drawn upon many experiences in developing this business and sex work is definitely a part of that,” says Bonella. “Many of the skills I acquired in the trade have helped me in crafting a business that reflects both my concern for the environment and my passion for serving people.”

The eatery offers nutritious menu items including substitutes for people with dietary restrictions. Bonella, herself a vegetarian, also recently discovered through an elimination diet that she is gluten intolerant.

Gluten intolerance is an autoimmune reaction to gluten that can cause devastating health effects and often goes undiagnosed. Gluten is a protein found in rye, wheat, and barley. People who are gluten intolerant must read labels very carefully, as wheat flour is used as filler in a large number of processed and packaged foods.

Yogiberry strives to deliver “delicious treats that save the planet” says Bonella adding “Our Smoothie cups are so compost-able they melt when you add hot water in them.”

But it is the food Bonella is most proud of.

“I love the first taste of the new customer, everyone lights up, everything is fresh and delicious,” says Bonella. She attributes her food quality to the partnerships she’s formed with a variety of likeminded businesses.

“Tricia Sedgwick of Seeds of Plenty bakes a line of fair trade chocolate brownies for us specifically that are made from sprouted grain and unspeakably divine,” says Bonella. Yogiberry also carries the Anderssens Flax Rolls, the Truffle Pig line, and their frozen yoghurt is made by hand by one of Vancouver’s top ice cream shops, Bendick Ice Cream.

Bonella invites the public to celebrate Yogiberry’s Grand Opening with her on Friday, October 1st between 7 and 10 p.m. Two-for-one specials will be offered all day. Festivities in the evening will include music, free samples, and a chance to meet the nutrition experts behind some of Yogiberry’s tastiest, signature menu items.

For more information, call Amanda at 778-938-5961 or email her at

Friday, September 3, 2010

Maybe It's Not Just Gluten

So I have definitive proof that both my children have gluten intolerance. However, I have not seen an improvement in my son's behavior. Not at all. In fact, I'm not sure, but it may even be worse.

Thinking that it still has to do with diet, because I am certain that this is not "normal" behavior and even my son wants badly to find a way to control his emotions and be less angry, I took him off all sugars except natural sugars for a few days. Again, no impact.

Upon further reading, I found out about a program called the Feingold program. I cannot afford to purchase the program, but have read a lot about it and am attempting to try my own version for a week and see it if helps my son.

I read a lot of posts on the world wide web from people who are both gluten intolerant and salicylate sensitive and I am wondering if the two are connected in some way. Please offer advice if you have any to give. xo

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Plans for My Education Crusade

I want to be a part of the health solution and bring miracles to others like what I experienced. I know there must be many other doctors out there with patients they can't diagnose. There are people out there who have already found health again because I shared my story with them.

But spreading the word will take more than just talking and blogging. I want to start a strategic campaign to educate people about this curable disease. It hurts me to imagine how many people are feeling hopeless about their health right now and the solution is at their own fingertips. A simple change in diet.

So far I've just begun to brainstorm my campaign. If anyone would like to join me, feel free to comment and offer advice and suggestions. Here are my ideas so far:

1. Get my medical records from each of my doctors during the time I was ill to the point of disability. Find out the names of all the specialists I saw and ask for my medical records from them as well.

2. Write a letter to each and every one of the doctors I saw and thank them for assisting me on my search for a solution to my health issues. Remind them of the symptoms I was presenting with. Then tell them about my recovery. Include another fact sheet about gluten intolerance in the package and a list of resources for them to investigate if they are interested.

3. Make myself available to speak to nurses and doctors or health organizations dedicated to conditions commonly related to gluten intolerance - chronic fatigue, POTS, fibromyalgia, diabetes, autoimmune disorders, etc. Share my story and what I've learned about my condition.

4. Create a package that can be sent out to doctors and paramedics, teaching them about gluten intolerance and how to identify it.

5. Lobby for the stool tests (like what is done at Enterolab) to be made available through traditional medical means and covered by MSP.

6. Send restaurant franchises information packages about adding gluten free items to their menus, how to avoid cross-contamination, and lists of foods that are gluten free and not gluten free for quick reference.

7. Find out more about how gluten intolerance impacts mental health, then create information packages to send to organizations that treat or serve people with mental health conditions.

8. Talk to news media about gluten intolerance and my campaign to ease the suffering of so many people who are sick and don't know why.

9. De-bunk some of the myths about gluten intolerance, like: celiac disease presents with worse symptoms; if you are only gluten intolerant, you can eat a little; gluten intolerance is not genetic; you are not gluten intolerant if your celiac test is negative, etc.

10. Share and exchange information with other people who are gluten intolerant to create an information network and learn more about how this condition affects and impacts people.

11. Share my medical records with a doctor who is interested in joining this crusade and ask other gf folk to do the same so she/he can compare them and see where the similarities exist.

I will call my organization "Society for the Healing of Intestinal Trauma" or "S.H.I.T." LOL!

Now, who's with me? :)

Things I Wish I Could Know

There are things that I would like to know about gluten intolerance. Like, why don't I notice a reaction until I've been eating it for several weeks while others react immediately?

And why don't doctors know about gluten intolerance except in relation to a positive celiac test?

If I do not feed any foods with gluten in them to myself while pregnant or breastfeeding, and do not feed them to my child for as long as possible after he/she is born; if one day my child decides to eat foods with gluten in them, will he or she be gluten intolerant like my other two kids?

Why can some gluten intolerant people eat foods that have been cross-contaminated with gluten during the preparation process and others can't?

If I am unable to tolerate cross-contamination, does it follow that both my gluten-intolerant children are also unable to tolerate cross-contamination?

What similarities in standard blood tests between gluten intolerant folks might help doctors in the future to diagnose earlier? Low potassium? That was one of mine.

Why has only one doctor ever diagnosed me low iron when my ferritin levels were between 16 and 21? The supplements he prescribed gave me a sudden boost in my recovery.

Why do many doctors assume you're mentally ill when they don't know what's wrong with you?

Why do many paramedics treat their clients like disposable human beings and hypochondriacs? Don't they receive sensitivity training? Why aren't they held accountable for such behavior?

How long does it take to recover from gluten intolerance?

Is there really such thing as gluten withdrawal? Can it be measured? Is it worse if it's your second or third time going off gluten?

What happens if you are never diagnosed and you continue to eat gluten until you die? What do you die from? Will you ever get disability benefits without a diagnosis?

Is gluten bad for *everyone*? Even people who don't react to eating gluten?

Please post the questions you have about this condition and give me the answers to mine, if you have them. xo

6th Ave Bakery, New Westminster - Not Gluten Free

I was so thrilled to find this bakery. The bread is delicious. I planned to order two loaves and 24 buns every week for the rest of my life! And for three weeks I ate the bread and buns without any noticeable problems. I’m pregnant, so I am already tired and sometimes nauseous with low blood pressure (some of my gluten reaction symptoms).

However, my good health came to an end yesterday when I became severely ill. I ate the bread at breakfast. But after feeling dizzy, nauseous, and vibrating like I used to, I realized it was the bread and stopped eating it or feeding it to my kids. I hoped that I would feel better today.

Today I continued to be very ill and had the first and only episode of postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome since going gluten free last December. It was so horrible to go through it again. My whole body vibrating and sweating, my heart racing till I felt like I was going to faint, the shaking and unreality. It all came back. I had to lie down and wait for it to pass. It was a reminder how easily I could slip back into illness.

I was not once warned about cross contamination by the baker or anyone else. I’ve been there twice and phoned in an order. There was no warning to me whatsoever. Not once. I was only told that if the bread was sliced by them, then I would have to be concerned about cross-contamination. I chose not to have my bread sliced by them, although I wasn’t even sure if it would bother me.

A google search brought up several reviews made by others who became ill after eating this bread. Feeling this unwell, so that I can barely function is disabling. No one should have to experience this when they think they are eating safely. I am a pregnant, single mother. It's hard enough taking good care of my children without being ill on top of it.

He should not advertise gluten-free if people are getting sick from eating his bread. I thought I’d never have to feel this way again. I wish I didn’t hear of his bakery.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Healing With The Mind - Is It Possible?

Many people believe that we can heal ourselves with our minds and that all illness is dis-ease - stemming from anxiety, stress, negative thinking, etc. This belief did not help me when I was sick.

I read the books. I accepted and loved my condition. I looked at all the good that had come out of it - more time with my kids, stronger relationships with them, a new appreciation for what really matters in life, ways to enjoy life from the comfort of my home, and more.

I meditated. I exercised. I laughed. I tried to eliminate stressful people and situations from my life. I gave my children and husband love. And I continued to get sicker and sicker.

It was deflating to fail at physical health as well as healing with the mind. Perhaps it was because I was losing hope for recovery while accepting my condition. Perhaps I wasn't healing with my mind in the correct way. Perhaps I was not thinking positive afterall, but only believed I was thinking positive with all those daily affirmations. Perhaps I did not really know myself at all. Perhaps the doctors and others in my life who labeled me "crazy" were right.

If this is the case, then why within days of going off gluten, was I suddenly miraculously healed?

Some might say that I would never have developed gluten intolerance if I'd stayed positive my whole life. That it was my negativity that led to my health condition. But wouldn't I also be able to cure myself then with positive thinking? I was positive thinking the shit out of everything! My husband laughed at me for my acceptance of my dis-ease. He laughed at me for focusing on the positive under such circumstances. That is proof that I was!

Before I was sick I believed we all could heal ourselves with our minds, but I don't think it's true anymore. I don't think that you can cure yourself of any dis-ease through the power of the mind alone. It can make life more tolerable. It can help you find joy on even the worst days of your illness. And it can lessen the burden on the people around you who take care of you. But healing depends on the cause of the dis-ease.

And in my case, it was poison. No amount of positive thinking will heal a person if they are poisoning themselves multiple times daily. And if this applies to one dis-ease. Then there are certainly others.

So take heart if you are one of the positive thinkers who's health is not improving! There is a cause of your illness that is independent of positive thinking and prayer. Find the cause and you'll find your solution.

I suggest you start with your diet because that is what worked for me. xo